Friday, September 6, 2013

My Journey

This past week I have been doing a lot of reflecting and thinking. Mostly about where my spiritual path has been going.

I was born and raised a Christian. I went to church every week, went to youth group every Wednesday, went on retreats every summer. I even played Jesus in our church's Easter play. That was interesting. hehe

When I turned 13, things in my life were off. My parents were legally separated (they finalized their divorce when I was 18), I lived with my mom at first, then eventually with my dad, years later. I stopped going to church when I lived with my mom. I don't remember why, but I just remembering her trying out different paths. She touched on our Native American heritage and we went to all sorts of Pow-Wows and drum circles. It was interesting, but it was not us. We had to have been the whitest Native Americans ever.

When I went to live with my dad, I went back to church and things were normal-ish, until I was 16 and found out I was pregnant. My Sunday school teacher was very rude and mean towards me. I was in the same grade and school as her son. This lady, who was suppose to be teaching me about love and not judging others, was treating me horribly. Yes, I sinned and had sex before marriage and was paying a high price for it. Eventually, a few others at the church expressed their dislike for my choice of keeping my child and I ended up leaving the church, not wanting to take the abuse any longer. I do have to say that the pastor and his wife were the best people in the world and fully supported my decision to not terminate the pregnancy and raise my child on my own. His wife was a counselor for girls who were in the same position as me. She even gave me a bunch of maternity clothes. It was just the way the others in the church treated me that made me leave.

I have only been back to church maybe about 6 times since then. I am now 36 almost 37 years old. Since then I have followed a more earthly faith, I guess you can say. I would not call myself a witch or a wiccan, but parts of their beliefs intrigued me. S,o for the last 20 or so years, I called myself a Pagan. I celebrated the Pagan holidays and rituals. Everything I did in my life revolved around this path. Yes, I pretty much kept it to myself. My sister and brother knew because they follow the same path. When we told our mom (who by then had found her way back to Christ and married a wonderful man of God), she was heartbroken and took it out on me. I have a better relationship with my mom than my sister or brother do.

Until recently, things felt normal. Just this past couple of months or so, things started to not feel right anymore. I have started to read my Bible every day. My mom gave me a couple of devotions (Experiencing God Day By Day and Come Away My Beloved) and those are read everyday with my Bible time. I also bought, after asking my mom where to start, a guide to help me study the book of John. She said it is a great place to start. I have also started to read "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idleman. So far I am enjoying the book. Anyone that quotes The Princess Bride and speaks Klingon is great in my eyes. LOL

I am not ready to go back to church just yet. my experience at my last one left a bad taste in my mouth all these years. I know that not all churches are like my last one, but I am just not ready. I do want some fellowship with some like minded ladies who can help me along in my journey to find Christ again.

So what did I do? I decided to see what was out there in cyber space. I found a couple of really good online Bible studies. One is Good Morning Girls. Right now they are studying the book of Luke chapters 17-24. You do have to register for each session, but everything is free. I missed the sign up date for the current study, so I am going to work on the beginning of Luke 1-8. Granted, I could do what they are currently doing because they post 3 blogs a week and have videos to watch every week, but it is the groups that you can join when you register that I really want right now. You can bet I will be one of the first to register for the new study when the current one is over.

Another site that I found that I have enjoyed it Proverb 31 Ministries. The lady who wrote "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" and "Made to Crave". She has online Bible studies as well, but not sure how they are run  yet. They are almost done with their current book and will start the new one (A Confident Heart) on October 9th. I plan on buying the book and joining them in doing the study.

There is another site that I like so far, Women Living Well. They have a free Proverb 31 Ebook and online video series to go along with it. Free is always nice in my eyes and the book looks good from what I have skimmed through.

Right now I am super excited and can't wait to see where my journey will take me. This little quote pretty much sums up my journeys beginning.


  1. Wow just read your post. I found it via Thy Hand Hath Provided. I hope and pray you find your way out of Paganism and come back to Jesus Christ. It is hard to find a good, solid church and you know even when you find one, you will find out that some of the folks there may hurt you too. We in the church are not perfect, Lord no, far from it, but sometimes we like to give the impression that we are.

    1. Thank you. I will have to say that this was a very hard post to do. Something that I have wanted to say for a long time now, but wasn't sure how anyone would react to. My family mostly. Since I have posted it, I have felt so much better. Like a great weight have been lifted.

      I have prayed ever day this past week and a few times more since posting this. I have to say that I have never felt like this before. It is as if the Lord is speaking to me and saying "Welcome back". Feels so wonderful!


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