Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Confident Heart ~ Chapter 7 #IAmNot

Chapter 7 ~ When Doubt Whispers "I'm Such a Failure"

Have you ever called yourself a failure? I know I have, many times. Pretty much everyone that I know has at one time in their life.

As a teen mom, I always thought that I was a failure. It didn't help that I was in a relationship with someone who told me this daily either. I still call myself a failure in certain areas of my life, just not as often as I use to.

When I found out I was pregnant when I was just 16, I felt like I failed my parents. I didn't tell them right away either. I tried to hide my pregnancy from them. I was 4 months along when the father of my daughter had a conversation between him and his sister over heard by his aunt. His aunt, who hated me, called my dad and told him the news. Coming clean to him was very hard. He supported me and my decision to not abort. He found me a very nice doctor who sadly specialized in teen pregnancies.

As my daughter was growing up, I constantly felt like I was failing her. Like the time I found out her arm had been broken. She showed no signs and it was two weeks before I found out. The only reason I found out was because my daughter use to like putting her hand on the elevator doors of our apartment buildings elevator. Her arm got sucked in and swelled up like crazy. My dad and I took her to the ER when we found out that her arm was fine, but that it had been broken two weeks before. How could I have not known? I found out later how it broke. The lady who's daycare that she went to while I worked was a bit ruff with the kids. I showed up early one day to pick up my daughter when I saw this lady lift one of the kids up very fast and hard by just the hand. Needless to say, we found another daycare center to go to.

It took me a bit to stop feeling like a failure as a mother. It was not my fault my daughter broken her arm. I no longer feel like a failure for having her so young. Now I am able to talk to other teens about how hard it is as a single parent. Being a teen makes it even harder. I know that both my kids will wait till they are married to have their children because of hearing what I had to deal with and my daughter for actually living it. I know now that #IAmNot a failure as a parent.

Yesterday was my monthly visit for my infusion. It gave me the perfect opportunity to curl up with my book and read. My Fibromyalgia was bothering me really bad today, so the IV hurt a ton and I ached all over. While reading, the pain kinda went to the back of my mind and I was able to relax a little. Maybe I should read my Bible even more when I am in a lot of pain and my pills aren't working as well. Hmmmmm


  1. Hi Heather...Thank you for sharing today. The truth is yes, there are times we do fail, but that does not mean we are a failure! We gather up our courage and with God's help...continue on! :) I am saying a prayer of healing over you! ~Blessings, Shelly (OBS Leadership/Blog Team)

  2. Praying for you! Thank you for sharing!

  3. Thank you for being so honest and for sharing. I know that your story has blessed so many. Praying for less pain each day!

  4. Your honesty truly touched me. We are our own worst enemies by beating ourselves up over who we think we are or who we want to be. Our God takes us as we are and loves us unconditionally. Let's all hold onto this truth today and everyday.
    Blessings, Mary!


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