A Confident Heart Chapters 4 & 5

These chapters took me a while to get through. I am still not done with chapter 5 either. Lots of thinking has been going on about my past. After reading some of the other blogs for this weeks hop, it makes my past troubles seem so petty and stupid.

Chapter 4 was all about the pain we experienced in our past and chapter 5 is about moving beyond that pain.

I came from a broken home. My mother was never really around. My dad had health problems and was in and out of the hospital a bunch of times due to strokes and heart attacks and open heart surgery. I spent lots of time at a friends home. Thankfully they were very loving and had no problems with me practically living there.

I replaced the lack of a stable home life with sex. I always felt wanted during the act, but the relationships never lasted. I did end up pregnant at 16. It was a long hard time for me as a single mother with no help from my daughters father or my parents. Lots of my friend left me because I had a child and could not do the same things as them anymore. I continued to use sex as a way to feel wanted and loved until I met my husband. He was the only guy I didn't hop right into bed with.

I still look back at my teen years. I have moved past it, learned from it and use it as a teaching tool for other teens. I have grilled into my kids what happens when you have sex before you are ready and what life is like as a teen parent or a single parent.

Now, I look at my most recent issues. I have been struggling with  having Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. The pain is unbelievably bad at times. Right now I am in a lot of pain because I messed up and forgot to take my pain medication last night. I had to stop working because the pain was so great at times. I could never get comfortable sitting down or typing, both were required at my job. Not to mention the fatigue from both is crazy. Sometimes I literally sleep all day long.

Just recently I started to feel more like my normal old self. I have found a medication that works at relieving my RA symptoms. Pain medication has taken away most of the pain I feel. Yes, I am dependent on these medications to make me feel better for the rest of my life, but I am glad for them.

I have started to move past and accept who I am, even with my issues. I am learning a lot about my conditions so that I may pass on my knowledge and help others just starting out on this "adventure". I have been having less and less "why me" moments. This is still a work in progress, but I have been feeling better the more I move past my problems and move forward.